All in the Family

The Bay Citizen reported in today’s The New York Times that multigenerational housing is a real estate growth niche around the San Francisco area, aimed at the needs of a growing immigrant population http://www.nytimes.com/2011/04/22/us/22cncmultigenerational.html?pagewanted=2. However, it is a form of housing that is more likely to be adopted by North Americans in general as the challenges of housing an increasingly aging population move to the forefront.

Husband and I, along with many other couples who got married and had kids later in life, are deep in the heart of the sandwich generation. We’re juggling young kids and aging parents who are wrestling with the physical and mental challenges that will spare none of us.

My father-in-law, Alberto, who suffers from late-onset Muscular Sclerosis (MS), had a heart attack in February and was rushed to Kingston General for triple bypass surgery. He came through with flying colours, due in no small part to the charismatic Dr. Payne and his surgical team and astoundingly capable support staff. However, Alberto had no use of his legs without the ability to pull himself to a standing position with his arms. With a minimum of six weeks recovery time to reestablish use of his upper body, he was restricted to a bed.

Thank goodness for four things: Alberto’s small collapse in the Fall that signalled something more serious was happening; Husband’s move to a home-based office; flexibility in my schedule; and the fact that the in-laws live an easy twenty minutes drive away. Not everybody is in the same boat. In fact, my parents live in British Columbia and have their own array of aging challenges, but I will save that for another day.

When Alberto collapsed the first time we immediately set out to buy a used hospital-style bed and move his bedroom down to the main floor of his house. With some additional rearrangement the main floor bedroom was ready to accommodate a full-body lift and wheelchair when he returned home post-surgery. Andrew spent an amazing amount of time around the logistics of arranging home health care and getting quotes for equipment installation. My mother-in-law, Gio, attended to his daily care. I picked up the slack around our house and I am slated to build a structurally sufficient back porch to support the addition of a wheelchair-capable lift.

I am pleased to say that Alberto has progressed amazingly well and is transporting himself around the house with his walker. While he is not running races, his mobility, not to mention his spirits, has improved. But, as you can imagine, this will not be the end of the story.

I woke up a few weeks ago thinking about the optimal way to go forward and realized that the best and highest use of our two-story carriage house is not for my workshop and additional storage space but for a self-contained suite for Alberto & Gio. The advantages are many. We can share the work (and bounty) in the garden, they can enjoy the view and our familiar community, they can see the kids everyday and the kids can see them, they can keep on eye on the kids if we both have to be out of town, there’s no middle of the night emergency driving for us, we can share two cars, we can drive them to appointments in the city, and we’ll all be in a much better position to meet future challenges together. We’ve always said that wherever we go, they go. Husband agreed and the in-laws love the idea, and so we will begin to move forward to explore this goal.

In an unexpected way, an increase in interdependence will breed a higher degree of independence for all of us. It’s counterintuitive to our North American frontier mentality but sometimes what’s Old Country becomes new all over again.