I Have Shingles

“You must be so excited to get it done?” most people ask, a reasonable question after two years of exposed insulation, peeling windows, and flapping Typar.  But I scramble for an answer. “What I love most is the adventure,” I tell them, which isn’t enough. There is no possible pat answer for a project underway for more than a decade that weaves so many carefully considered parts of my life into one.

So the long answer to what I love more than the idea of closure is this:

I love being outside all day. I love the changing leaves, the flocks of migrating birds, and the muted grey-blue of the river under an autumn sky.

I love the constant contact with my neighbours, the daily dog parade, the enthusiasm of Sharon our bus driver, and the exchanges with strangers who pause to watch the show.

I love the paint scheme so intensely I cannot look away.

I love that I found the scheme on a building in Lunenburg, Nova Scotia when my babies were small and I’ve carried it with me ever since.

I love that I designed and planted all my gardens with these particulars in mind.

I love that I went to trade school for construction carpentry. I love that this “fancy dress” marks the culmination of my (self-induced) apprenticeship.

I love that I have had to, and continue to have to, figure out all the minute details, fix mistakes, and really nail the “money” cuts.

I love the brainwork that takes me so deep into myself that other parts of my life have temporarily disappeared.

I love the rippling of my biceps when I dead-lift a ladder twice my height.

I love being physically spent at the close of the day and sleeping the sleep of the dead.

I love that it says “I can do this” and, more importantly, “I can do way more than this, too.” I love that my confidence and skill are, for the moment, in perfect alignment.

I love the power I feel because “I get it.”

I love showing my daughter what is possible. I love that my boys see this as normal.

I love working alone. I love problem-solving and whinging with my carpentry-inclined friends.

I love that winter is almost upon us and I have a compulsory completion date that looms large and real. I love not knowing if I’m going to get snowed in.

I love the press of useful work. I love that some doors have slammed shut and I am unable to move anywhere but forward.

I love dreaming of house-swapping for bucket list locales.

I love the mind-blowing, soul-expanding promises of what’s to come.

I just love the whole damn thing to bits.