Repose

I did the closest thing to nothing that I have ever done since having children. I made nothing happen by saying no: no to my brother’s family flying in for the holidays, no to manic ritual-making, no to being the Director of All Things and, finally, no to stupid, predictable conflicts.

The little ones stepped up and took over the baking, Husband and I split cooking/shopping duties, and all the kids managed the kitchen clean-ups. Together we tidied the house, shopped for and wrapped presents, put up lights, and decorated the tree simply. Then everyone headed to social activities without me.

As I have no room to call my own, I beat a hasty retreat onto the couch and into my head.

For the past week I have rested, napped and slept whenever I’ve felt like it. I “tipped” as Husband calls my superpower-like ability to instantly fall asleep anywhere, anytime. I have reflected, imagined and created, computer and whiteboard at hand. But mostly I have floated under a duvet in a slack-jawed, winter-induced torpor, too relaxed even to read.

We’ve talked about forgetting the whole seasonal run-up and heading off on a winter adventure next year. But after this satisfying week of solitary confinement I’m open to reconsideration. Frankly, it’s the first time in a long while that I haven’t mostly resented the Christmas season.

(Some winter music to hibernate by.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGD5C4wLsrs